In the Light of Winter
Winter is as much about going deep, as it is about finding our way back
out the other side.
In Norway, there is a word: “koselig” (pronounced “koosh-lee”). It’s a combination of coziness and a connection to nature and others.
But in that dark space where our body, minds and soul retreat this time of year, a light still burns bright. But what if there resided a fear of burning bright?
“Remember that poem?” I ask Michael. I often ask him a question as if he could hear the thoughts circulating around in my head.
“You know, the one about Who are we NOT to shine? … or something like that. Remember?” I’ve punted and he’s off running trying to get underneath the ball.
“Ugh!” I emote my frustration and lack of patience with myself
We’re at the age where we still resist the Google machine temptation. Keeping the phones in our pocket, l reach out to my distant memory thought patterns., Michael is first to catch the punted ball.
He yells out, MARIANNE
And then we both yell out WILLIAMSON !
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that
most frightens us …”
I like to light up our house. Well, I like to light up a lot of things.
Our wedding day had over 3000 white lights decorating the Long Beach Museum of Art. The kids grew up having twinkle lights in each of their bedrooms, we even have some in ours. This past fall we traveled to the Central Coast in California and saw Sensorio so I bought some white ‘Sensorio lights’ for our front porch. (I just wanted to start out simple)
For winter, I wanted only white lights, not Christmas lights - just white winter lights; something to remind me that even in winter there is still “a light that burns bright.”
After the holidays were over, snow began to fall in Utah.
The kids were visiting us from California and Alaska between Thanksgiving and New Years and as each holiday tradition passed us by, their time for departure grew nearer and nearer.
We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be?
One was leaving to continue her training/working and learning about Parelli Natural Horsemanship, and the other to continue his training/working and learning about flying with Kenai Aviation.
Questioning their own skills, talents and passions were expressed; there were times that feeling inadequate and fearful overwhelmed any confidence. Michael and I have been known experts in fear-overwhelming-confidence, so we could relate. But, this sort of relatability isn’t helpful.
“You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.”
We spent a lot of time listening, talking and working through feelings of inadequacies. When the time came to depart, they were once again ready to leap.
“We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.”
And so now, here we are …
Michael is moving forward in twelve different directions and I am finding myself consumed by big feelings while I am busy passing my batons as a school teacher.
